This Fanfic is Too Random to Have a Title
by VampirePiggyHunter
Summary: I don't know how to summarize it. So just read it. And review. Even if it's a flame, just review. This is about Akatsuki. Yay Akatsuki!
1. Chapter 1

(( Disclaimer- I don't own Akatsuki or anything..yeah..if I did I'd be rich..and Japanese..and a man. I am none of those.))

It was a whole new day at the infamous Akatsuki hideout, and things were...as normal as things could get, given the various members. How normal could group containing a living plant, a religious freak, a clan-killer, a shark-man,

a puppet, a girly-dude with mouths on his hands, be? That's not even

including the leader and mysterious blue-haired...Person...

Anyway, in the room that served as the den, the 'shark-man' from the previous paragraph sat on one edge of the rather beat-up couch that had certainly seen better days. He was reading a book... Okay, scratch that, he was reading a comic. They were books, right? 'Graphic novels.'

Books were usually novels. So it was a book. His logic was

infalliable, surely!

So, there he was. A large, blue-skinned, shark-like man, grinning amusedly at the comic

he was reading - who knew where the hell he got it, Samehada leaning

against the same edge of the couch and threatening to fall

over.

Not like he noticed. He was too absorbed in the colourful pages of the 'book' he was 'reading'.

Zetsu could come waltzing in wearing naught but a pink tutu and he probably

wouldn't notice.

...Well, maybe he wasn't that enthralled in the comic... But, still, he'd probably keep his eyes to the pages if such a scenario were to occur

to avoid mental scarring. He glanced up, now a little paranoid, just incase, anyway.

One could never be too sure.

While the shark man was reading his graphic novel, Uchiha Itachi

entered the den and silently walked across the room. He stood behind

Kisame and looked down at the graphic novel, though he couldn't really see

it too well.

"What are you reading?" He asked. Immediately after the question

was asked, the door flew open and a strange plant-man shouted,

"ITACHIIII!"

"Yes?" Itachi turned to look at Zetsu who continued shouting, "GIVE IT

BACK!"

"Give what back?"

"MY POCKY!"

"What pocky?"

"THE POCKY YOU STOLE!" Zetsu was obviously quite angry, and Itachi

remained calm like usual.

"Oh. This pocky?" Itachi asked and held up a box of chocolate

pocky.

Zetsu growled and ran over to Itachi, attempting to tackle him.

Itachi easily stepped out of the way and picked up a television remote. He

turned on the TV and opened the pocky, pulling a piece out of the box and

putting it in his mouth.

Zetsu grabbed the box and tried to punch him, but Itachi blocked

the punch with the palm of his hand and kicked him out of the way.

Satisfied that he got his pocky back, Zetsu glared and left the room after

hissing, "I hate you."

Just when he got back to reading his comic, he heard Itachi's voice

behind him. He immediately looked up, snapping the comic - 'Icha Icha

Paradise, The Manga; Vol. One' - shut as fast as semi-humanly possible. Kisame had

been about to turn an answer the Uchiha, but before he had the chance to,

the object of his earlier, mildly disturbing thoughts made a rather loud appearance.

He watched the proceeded pocky argument, of course - who wouldn't? -

rather... Amusedly. Okay, he was trying not to laugh his head off at

how angry Zetsu had gotten over a box of stolen pocky. He didn't want the

plant-man getting on his case, too, afterall!

So once he was gone, Kisame started chuckling. The chuckling soon

turned into full-fledged laughter as the shark nearly fell off of the couch.

He did drop the comic, though. "It's probably not wise to tease cannibals,

Itachi!"

He managed to point out between gasps and guffaws, trying to regain

his composure at the same time. It certainly wasn't every day someone got

to see that happen!

'It wasn't..that funny..' Itachi thought while watching Kisame.

Itachi didn't really have the best sense of humor.

"Hm.." He picked up the fallen manga and held the cover out about

an inch past his nose, focusing his vision on the title.

"..Icha..Icha..Paradise?" He read outloud and blinked, taking one hand

off

the book to rub his eyes. He next strangely looked over at Kisame.

"Since..when do you read these??" He questioned, dropping the book

onto the couch.

Kisame's laughter quickly died down to sheepish little chuckles once he

noticed Itachi had the Icha Icha manga and was attempting to make out

the

title. Aw, nuts. He grinned, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of

his

head as the title was read outloud. The shark shrugged at both the

strange

look he'd earned from his choice of reading material and the question.

"I don't read them! It was either that or some stupid cooking show. They

were cooking fish."

It was either the perverted manga or watching possible relatives get

cut open and gutted. It hadn't occured to him at that time to change the

channel, of course. Thankfully, he noted after a short glance to the

television, they had moved from fish to cake decorating. That was a

relief...

When Itachi picked the manga up and started to read

it, Kisame's eyes widened considerably. When the Uchiha started

blushing, the shark had to bite his lip to keep from chuckling. Though when the

book was flung across the room, he had to cover his mouth with his hand to stifle

the laughter's reappearance. At least it hadn't been the fabled 'Icha

Icha Paradise: Yaoi Version'. Which, if it had been, would've boosted his

curiosity as to who the dumb thing belonged to.

Laughter ceasing, though goofy, shark-like grin remaining, he tilted his head to the side a little,

watching his partner curiously. "Why'd you steal Zetsu's pocky, anyway?"

"Because it's good." Itachi replied with a shrug. He

smirked a bit and almost laughed at what was on a movie channel.

"Hey look, Finding Nemo is on. Heh. Do you like this

movie? Or does it offend you?" He asked and sat on the old couch,

tossing the remote up and down in his hand. He watched the movie for a few

seconds and stated, "I had a pet fish once. It made me mad. It died after two

days."

Well... He couldn't argue that. Any sort of chocolatey treat was

good, in the shark's book. Kisame blinked slowly at the mention

of Finding Nemo, eyes darting to the television screen, expression blank for a

moment before...He

grinned. Again. "It's a helluvalot better than that

crappy cooking show." It was fish-friendly, after all! Hell, it was about a fish

searching for a fish or something, wasn't it? About how fish-families got

torn apart and how sa---. . .

He looked over at Itachi, simply staring for a rather

lengthy moment.

"You... How..." A pause ensued, before the shark

regained the ability to speak. "How did a little fish make you mad?!" Poor

fish...

Gah...!

"It died." Itachi stated and crossed his arms. "Then I got a

dog, and it died after two weeks! Then I got a ferret, and my mom

hated it so she sold it. Then I told her I wanted a cat and she said,

'No! I'm allergic to cats!' Then I told her to get me a lizard. So I got a

lizard. I accidently stepped on it. Then my mom said I can't have any more

animals." He complained, eyes glowing red. It just wasn't fair!

He growled and watched Finding Nemo, trying to calm

down. He just hated his mom so much.

During and after Itachi's little rant, Kisame stared -

rather bewilderedly- at the Uchiha. Okay... Fish; died two days. Dog, two

weeks. Ferret, sold. Lizard, accidentally stepped on. If there ever was a time

the shark-man felt antsy about being... Well, fishlike, it was then.

Considering his upset partner seemed to have really, really bad luck when it

came to animals...

Screw the movie. Kisame kept his eyes on Itachi, scooting

as far away as possible - considering he was already at the edge of the

couch, that wasn't very far.

"Animals hate me." Itachi hissed, his hands curling into

fists. He lowered his gaze from the television down to the floor.

"My mother..wouldn't buy me the limited edition Pokémon

Nintendo 64 that I wanted.." He said. Why he was ranting about his childhood,

he didn't know. He just felt like it for some reason.

Kisame nodded, agreeing, since it really did seem animals weren't too fond

of the Uchiha... He shifted uncomfortably while Itachi

continued his ranting- he used to like Pokemon...? Well, he could say anything;

he used to like Digimon - before deciding to momentarily interrupt. "At

least your mother wasn't a goldfish...?"

Itachi turned his head to look at Kisame and raised an eyebrow.

"Erm..okay..yeah?" He replied. His expression then changed

to one a bit scarier. "If she was, then she would be too easy to kill.

That wouldn't have been any fun." He grinned for a few seconds, then went

back to his usual unemotional expression. It was quite a creepy thing

seeing Itachi grin. It was very rare to see him grin or smile.

If the scary look had been enough to give the sharkman a

slight case of the goosebumps, the grin was enough to make him have to surpress a

shudder. What Itachi had said before said brief, rare grin didn't help

much.

Geh...Sometimes his partner could be one creepy kid. Kisame, still

not taking his eyes away from the Uchiha for security sake, grinned as well,

although it was just a slightly nervous one. "... I'm sure it wouldn't

have been." But goldfish could be thrown against walls, thusly producing a

most satisfying--- the fishman twitched. Bad thoughts! Bad

thoughts!

The door swung open and suddenly Deidara ran in screaming,

"POKEMON'S ON! POKEMON'S ON! POKEMON'S ON! UUUUN!" The hyper blonde picked up

the remote control and changed the channel to Cartoon Network. Itachi

blinked and stared strangely at Deidara. "Huh?" "POOOKEEEMOOON!" Deidara screamed.

The Battle Frontier theme song came on and one of Itachi's eyes

twitched.

"No.." He hissed, "I hate the stupid new seasons!" He

couldn't stand the new seasons. He liked the old ones. Especially the Orange

Islands season.

"You hate everything, un!" Deidara replied. Itachi slapped

him and grabbed the remote. "Get out." He commanded.

"You're not being very nice, Itachi-san, un." Deidara stated.

"I'm not a very nice person. Now leave." Itachi pushed

Deidara away. Deidara sighed and pouted.

The hyper blond's sudden, loud entrance nearly caused Kisame

to jump up several feet in the air. Nearly. Pokemon? ... Was he the only

Digimon fan in the entire Akatsuki? The sharkman frowned at the thought,

though he had to chuckle when Itachi slapped Deidara. He was so very tempted

to say something about cat fights, but... He wanted to keep his skin.

Seriously. He nodded sagely in agreement when Itachi pointed out that he

wasn't a nice person. He was a scary, creepy little person, if anything.

And then he decided to comment on something a little more safe

than 'cat fights'. "Digimon's better, anyway."

((Please review! ))


	2. Chapter 2

Seconds later... A certain grumpy looking red-headed ginger-kid of a puppet chose that moment to enter through the still open door, armed with a rubber duck and a bottle of Herbal Essence shampoo. He paused one step passed the doorway, staring pointedly at the blond. "It's bathtime, brat"  
"HI! HI! HI! HI! UUUN!" Deidara waved at the puppet person. It was obvious that Deidara has had far too much sugar and/or caffeine today. "CHOCOLATE! YOU GOT ANY CHOCOLAAATE, UN?! UUUUNN?!" He screamed.  
"..Has Zetsu forced you to smoke marijuana?" Itachi asked.  
"CHOCOLATE!" He replied, jumping up and down for a few moments.  
"...Whatever." Itachi began to hum the Digimon theme song. Oh, but he greatly hated the stupid Digimon Frontier season or whatever it's called. The only seasons he liked were seasons 1 and 2. Because Myotismon is awesome. D Chocolate? . . . Kisame's sharkish grin returned, glancing over at Deidara while trying to restrain the urge to glomp Itachi because of the theme he was humming. "Where did you get the chocolate?" He wanted some. Even if a hyped-up sharkman often wasn't all too pleasant.

Did hyper-brat-boy even hear what he said? Sasori squeezed the ducky -producing a high-pitched, obnoxious squeak. He wanted to know who gave the blond the chocolate or whatever it had been, too. If only 'cause then he knew who to throw the duck at.  
The fishman couldn't kill the urge any longer. If music spontaneously decided to play, now, it would so be playing the Jaws theme... He shuffled - milimetre by tiny milimetre - closer to the Uchiha before glomping him as best he could while sitting down. "You like Digimon too!" ... Plus it always looked like the guy needed a hug.  
Itachi twitched. "You're hugging me..why are you hugging me?" It had been a long time since anyone had hugged the Uchiha. Hugging him was considered suicide by most people.  
"Kakuzu robbed a store! He took all the money and all the choco- GROUP HUG!" Deidara ran over to Itachi and Kisame, and jumped on them and gave them a big hug. "Yay for hugs!" He cheered.  
Itachi couldn't take this much longer. He didn't like being touched, being the anti-social guy he was.

Kisame wondered briefly if repeating his earlier exclaimation would be wise- then again, 'you like Digimon too' wasn't much of a good reason. "You looked like you needed one?," he half-pointed out, half-asked. Lamely. And he was going to let go then and there but found himself unable to once Deidara joined in the hug.  
... Awkward.

Sasori stared at the three for a moment before chucking the rubber ducky in their direction. "You three should get a room," he mumbled. Kakuzu was the chocolate-culprit, now, right? Well, he'd already thrown the duck. The puppet turned, off to find Kakuzu in order to squirt shampoo in his eyes.

"..I needed one. Riiight..now get off of me." Itachi commanded. Deidara was quite enjoying himself. Hugs were just great. Therefore he ignored Itachi and reached behind his head to pull his hair out of its ponytail. "Hey!" Itachi pushed Deidara off of him. The blond gasped and ran over to the thrown duck, scooping it up in his hands and squeezing it. "Ducky!" He squeezed it. And squeezed it. And squeezed it.

"I know, un." Squeak. Squeak. Squeak. "Un!" Squuuueak. "Ducky says Itachi has pretty hair and he should keep it down, un." Deidara said and continued squeezing the duck.

As soon as he was able to, Kisame immediately let go of Itachi and shuffled back over to his side of the couch. But not before staring at the Uchiha -dude. The shark grinned widely, brows raised in a highly amused fashion. He looked better with it down. More feminine, yes, but not overly so. Unlike some people. Like one annoyingly loud, duck-squeaking blond. But... 'Ducky' did have a point. Kisame nodded, of course agreeing. "I agree with... The duck, Itachi! And you look better with it down." Almost a little less creepy, even! .  
Though he wasn't going to say that out loud.

Deidara nodded and hugged the duck. Itachi glared at Deidara and put his hair back into a loose ponytail. Well, he tried to. He then realized the Deidara broke the elastic band. Itachi growled and pushed his long, black hair behind his shoulders.

"Why do you have long hair if you don't want it down, un?" Deidara asked.  
"Because!" Itachi snapped.  
"Don't shout at me." Deidara said.  
"I'm not shouting!" Itachi exclaimed.  
"Why do you have long hair if you don't want it down, un?" Deidara repeated.  
"Do not question me!" Itachi replied.  
"Fine. Be a meany. I don't care, un." Deidara said while petting Ducky. "..You just wish your hair was as pretty as mine, un." He added.  
"No, I don't." Itachi mumbled and crossed his arms.

Kisame watched the little conversation while trying not to laugh. Out loud, at any rate. Internally, he was dying of a pent-up giggle-fit... 


	3. Chapter 3

((Time for the next chapter! )  
From a few rooms over came Kakuzu's shout of "WHAT THE-" followed by an evil laugh that sounded suspiciously like Sasori, and the sound of someone choking on something liquid-like. Afterwards came a plethora of colourful words and an incoherant scream about eyes and soap, as well as the sound of something expensive and fragile hitting the ground... Followed by more cursing.

. . . The sharkman stared off in the direction of the ruckus before turning his attention back to Itachi and Deidara. Right, anyway. "It's a good question, though, you know?" He grinned rather... Sharkishly. "Oh, I know. We could always give you a bowl-cut, Itachi. That way, you won't have to bother with putting it back!" ... Even if a bowl-cut would increase the Uchiha's creepiness factor by... A lot.

Deidara and Itachi both fell silent, listening to the chaos a few rooms over. "...Oh, no!" The hyper blond squeezed his rubber duck several times. "Trouble, un?!" Squeak, squeak. Deidara suddenly ran out of the room -bringing Ducky with him, of course- and entered the room that Kakuzu and Sasori were in.

After watching Deidara leave, Itachi stared blankly at the shark man.

"Hell no. Don't you dare do anything to my hair!" He replied while figiting with a strand of his hair. He then complettly froze for a few seconds before an evil smile came to his face. "I have an idea. An ingenious idea.. someone should buy pink hair dye and put it in a bottle of Deidara's shampoo." It was such an excellent plan..

---------

Deidara just stood in the doorway, his head tilted to the side as he stared at the two. "That better not be my shampoo, un." He stated and squeezed Ducky. "Ducky says, 'Hi.' "  
Deidara announced and closed the door behind him. "What's going on, un?" He asked.

In the other room, Kakuzu was on his knees, hands scraping at his eyes, trying to get the soap out of them while he spat out the disgusting tasting... Stuff. Sasori was standing over him, an evilly gleeful look on his usually expressionless face, holding the shampoo bottle.. Rather threateningly. Neither of the two seemed to notice Deidara's entrance.

-  
Kisame grinned toothily, holding up both hands in a somewhat calming gesture. "I was just joking, Itachi," he pointed out. He was almost visibly unnerved by the pause and abrupt evil smile, though he relaxed when he noticed the evilness wasn't directed at him. Heh! That was a good idea! ... Pink would suit the blond better, anyway! The sharkman chuckled, nodding, before his mind's eye conjured up a sort of mental image of the whole thing... He bit his lip in order not to crack up. "That's a perfect idea! Do you know of any place that sells pink hair dye"  
"No. Unless Hot Topic has some. But I think their's is temporary. We need some that won't wash out. We could go to WalMart or something." Itachi replied.  
WalMart had everything. Candy, food, hair supplies, anything legal you could think of. But alas, Itachi didn't know if he could fit WalMart into his busy schedule. Okay..he didn't really have a schedule.  
He never really did anything.

-----------

Sasori's attention snapped to the blond and the evil little puppet shrugged. "Oops." He pointed the shampoo bottle at Deidara, squirting some in his general direction. "Ducky can die. Kakuzu was the one responsible for giving you chocolate, wasn't he?  
I'm getting my revenge. You're more annoying than..." ... Okay, so he couldn't think of any good analogies.  
"... Usual, when hyper." 

Kakuzu just shot the two of them dirty, dirty looks when he could see again... Sort of. "You told, you damned blond girly-boy?!"

---------

Hot Topic was a scary place, anyway. Perfect for the Uchiha, sure, but Kisame would rather avoid it if at all possible. Then again...WalMart had a fishing aisle. But he'd just need to avoid that particular spot as if it were plagued with... Plague!  
"WalMart would be a good place to start." The sharkman nodded, unable to hold in the gigglefit any longer. He pitched forward, clutching his stomach and... Scarily enough, was actually giggling. Though he regained his composure soon enough, grinning sheepishly. "Maybe we can even find him a matching pink dress! With frills!" And make-up. And other nice womanly accessories!"

-----

Deidara frowned, looking down at the shampoo that got on the front of his cloak. "Aww..now it's all sticky, un.." He looked back up and sadly stared at Kakuzu. "I'm..not girly.." He said quietly. If only he knew how wrong he was. "I'm not! You're mean, un!" He ran over to Kakuzu, punched him, then ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him. 


End file.
